I find it so aggravatingly strange how so many people I meet don’t take the core issues of importance for their lives very seriously. I observe so much “aloofness” in how people are choosing to engage aspects of themselves & their lives that they have personally deemed highly important. Part of me wishes I could let go of caring about my life (ignorance is temporarily bliss) but the dominant part of me seeks to figure out & manage shit within my life very intelligently & shrewdly. That dominant part of me wants to ring people’s necks when they tell me that something is highly important to them and then two seconds later turn around and act totally aloof about dealing with the fundamentals of that same matter. These are everyday smart people too, which aggravates me even more.

I guess there’s more of a dumb blonde, who likes to hedonistically escape all serious notions, in most people than I gave them credit for. I guess I’ll have to change my model of outlook for most people, where instead of looking at them as generally strong, smart, reality-based people with sporadic spurts of aloof escapism, it seems that many more people than I ever thought are generally aloof, dumb, head-in-the-sand people with sporadic spurts of intelligent awareness. I guess this really is true and if I want to deal with reality, I have to accept most people as this once you get past their surface level facade of appearing like they’ve got it together. Sadly, in my experience with people, age has not much matured this aspect of most. I’m all for living in one’s own psycho bubble for pleasure, but hate the thought of throwing away personal capability to handle what is fundamentally important in one’s life.

I’m on the opposite far side of the fence with this stuff personally, so my deep connection & intellectual drives make this issue actually piss me off, like I’m drowning in a world of dumb fucks who just think their not. It doesn’t matter if they are traditionally smart, highly paid, credible professionals, etc. A very good percentage still have their heads up their assholes, eating poo, when it comes to their own consciousness & ability/willingness to deal with their reality, even when self-interested. It is a personal issue for me because I value intelligence and I value deep connection, so it is often an emotional spoiler for me to directly engage with this part of people, which happens quite often. It’s very hard to avoid the smell of poo on their breath when most people talk about their lives, because it’s like they’ve had an all they can eat buffet inside their own ass.

The key question for me is… What change can/should I make on my end that effectively gets rid of the personally negative experience I have with people’s fundamental aloofness for their lives?

Ultimately, I don’t give a shit if other people blindly waste their life’s potential. That’s on them. I’m no longer humanitarian. I’d just like to get rid of this negatively charged experience that I consistently have when observing it.

Ironically, I’m trying to become totally aloof with other people’s personal aloofness.

PS: A week later, I realized how I can tackle this problem in this note.

Brian Watkins